By George, she's got it!

Fair readers, I have a confession to make. If I were to chose one thing about myself to change - in the shallow, purely aesthetic sense - it would be my nose.

It's too big for my face. Or my mouth is too small so it looks bigger. Something like that. I'm just not its biggest fan. And my mother, from whom I inherited my nose, has warned me that at my age she couldn't touch her nose with her tongue, but now she can. Gravity is only going to make the situation worse.

However, I have found a new method of detracting attention away from my problem area. Yes, it's true. I could save others millions in plastic surgery bills with my handy advice.

And what is that, I hear you cry? Simple. Huge hair!

Get out those GHDs and curl away to your heart's content. Shake your head about for maximum volume. Maybe invest in volumising shampoo, hair sprays and other styling products for maximum root lift and overall massiveness!

Because, you see, when your hair is huge, people are too busy taking in the size of it that they don't care about your nose. And your nose will look smaller in comparisson.

Down sides include dying from inhaling hair spray fumes, people questioning whether or not your barnet is in fact a wig and people staring at you like you're Koko the Clown.

Of course, I could be completely wrong and rather than looking like some big-haired vixen, I look like a twit with massive, out-of-control hair and a nose that's too big for her face...

PS You should buy We Are Scientists new album. Maaarvellous. First CD I've actually bought in ages and I'm rather glad I did.

"I think you two should start a wee romance."
"Do you?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I saw it! I saw him looking at you, you looking at him..."
"So, what, I just walk up to him and say, 'Here. My pal thinks we should start a wee romance. How's about it?'"
"YES!"

I love my friends so much. Even when they start talking complete nonsense. In fact, no. Particularly when they start talking nonsense.

I get annoyed quite easily. I bet you hadn't noticed, I'm so sweet-natured.

People who practically are you, in that they like the same things as you, they find the same things funny that you do, and even have the same taste in men as you do, but they get the guy and you don't are really annoying.

And people who try too hard. Just calm down. Just be yourself.

Studying when you have no interest at all in what it is you're trying to study.

Hormones.

The models on the Urban Outfitters website. They're all so pealy-wally, thin and gaunt-looking. It's enough to induce bullemia in the most stable-minded of girls.

People who don't text back.

Headaches.

French films with no subititles.

Trying to set up electrical equipment. Namely video recorders.

Not having a video recorder-friendly man about to call upon and scream at when the cables aren't going in the bloody holes and I can't find the damn instruction book!

People who write a load of crap, punctuated with words and phrases like 'fab!' and 'omg!' and 'ttly lush!' yet they get a million and one comments along the same lines. It makes my head hurt.

The reality of the ever-closer exams. They're just so inconvenient.

The clocks changing - it puts me all off-balance.

People who pretend not to read my blog but actually do. Yes, I do mean you, pal. And people who take it all seriously, word for word.

I do, however, love it when you see someone you used to have a thing with and they look pure stinkin' now, to make use of my native tongue, and you know for certain that you don't look as bad as that.